funk
Just a little funk. I fell flat into it. Now I am better. Can't blame it on anything, really..just woke up one day and felt as if I was in a fog. I think the haze had to do with the "What do I do now?" virus that has been going around. Might have been coming down with a case of the "Holy shit I am getting olds". Or..the "I thought I would be farther (further?) along with my career", flu or the "Help me Jesus, I have to drum up a resume?" ache.. Or the "I am not cute enough or have the energy enough any more to be a bartender and *(%$#%$@, that means I might have to actually get a real job", pain... Or the "Kind of thought Oprah would call by now", depression. Sounds kind of pathetic reading back on my last month or so. I mean I have a sweet life. I love my family. I sing, write, walk and take care of the homestead. Oh yeah..and the pup. Who by the way, owns us. We are all in love with this dog. He is a rascal. I promise that I will never say or write that word again. It's so square. Almost just wrote it again to see how it felt. But he is just that..that word. Huge too. He takes over the couch. Which, by the way, was not on the agenda. No couch for the dog...that was my mantra. We have one couch. A good leather couch. It does not need to be a lounge for the canine. The boys won. They love the dog on the couch. But, back to me.
So..I feel a prodding in a sense. That's a weird word too. Prodding. I do not think I like that word. Sounds kind of prodish. Like I was forced even to use the word. I will most likely not use that word again, especially with the other word. The two words together sound like some kind of Alternative band. Or the name of an invasive weed. Kind of like Kudzu. So back to me.
I am thinking that I am not using my gifts to my fullest and Divine potential. Thus swirling me into a massive search for meaning and rhyme in my everyday existence. OK..that sounded so dramatic. How about this. I need a project. I realllllllllly love being a mama. Our son will be 10 in a few days..and very self sufficient. He will need us less and less as the days go by. I reallllllllllly loved making "Morning Glory". I am so proud of the work..and pray it finds a home in the world and moves people. And makes some dough. So I can do another CD soon. Like a duet CD with my husband. Or a Christmas CD for next year. Or a children's CD. Or a standards CD. I realllllllllly love singing with Walt and the band. They are gracious and kind and make me feel like the cool back ground singing chick, like Patty Scalafia, when I perform with them. So what's the problem, I ask you? Or you ask me? What's the problem? Well herein lies the problem. The problem within the problem. A conundrum, if you will. Why the gloom of lore? Why am I talking like an old Christmas special on the Lifetime Network? I just do not know. I do not know why I was lost in my own head for a month. Lost In My Head. That really sounds like an Alternative Band. There are names of some bands that I hear on the radio..that when the announcer says, "Coming up next..a song by "Girl in a Coma"..I can not reach over fast enough to change the channel. I do not want to hear a song by such a poorly named band. And..get this..they are HUGE. Huge I tell ya. How about The Scabs? I know they are cool..and have a big following..but c'mon. A dictionary and a world of colorful characters in this Universe and you come up with that? jeeze. My girl band will be called something life affirming and joyous. Like: funlovehappyland or nonmedicatedmoms or icansitllwearasize6 or cabernaetmalbecshiraz. People would not cringe when they heard our name announced. They would wait patiently for the song to be played and feel like they wanted to volunteer and help orphans, after they heard it. What was I talking about? Oh yeah, me.
I feel that since it is officially the Christmas Season, Holiday Season, Hanukkah season, Kwanzaa (2 a's) Season, Winter Solstice Season, I would pull my head out of my head and appreciate my surroundings. In fact, I am feeling better already. It's good that we had this talk. Next time, I will ask you about you and how you are feeling. Deal? Deal.
Love and Light. Is that too gooey for a band name? Either way..wishing you Love. Light. Joy. Peace. Radiance. Fun. and don't forget the Presence.
11:21 pm
Thursday, December 1
So..I feel a prodding in a sense. That's a weird word too. Prodding. I do not think I like that word. Sounds kind of prodish. Like I was forced even to use the word. I will most likely not use that word again, especially with the other word. The two words together sound like some kind of Alternative band. Or the name of an invasive weed. Kind of like Kudzu. So back to me.
I am thinking that I am not using my gifts to my fullest and Divine potential. Thus swirling me into a massive search for meaning and rhyme in my everyday existence. OK..that sounded so dramatic. How about this. I need a project. I realllllllllly love being a mama. Our son will be 10 in a few days..and very self sufficient. He will need us less and less as the days go by. I reallllllllllly loved making "Morning Glory". I am so proud of the work..and pray it finds a home in the world and moves people. And makes some dough. So I can do another CD soon. Like a duet CD with my husband. Or a Christmas CD for next year. Or a children's CD. Or a standards CD. I realllllllllly love singing with Walt and the band. They are gracious and kind and make me feel like the cool back ground singing chick, like Patty Scalafia, when I perform with them. So what's the problem, I ask you? Or you ask me? What's the problem? Well herein lies the problem. The problem within the problem. A conundrum, if you will. Why the gloom of lore? Why am I talking like an old Christmas special on the Lifetime Network? I just do not know. I do not know why I was lost in my own head for a month. Lost In My Head. That really sounds like an Alternative Band. There are names of some bands that I hear on the radio..that when the announcer says, "Coming up next..a song by "Girl in a Coma"..I can not reach over fast enough to change the channel. I do not want to hear a song by such a poorly named band. And..get this..they are HUGE. Huge I tell ya. How about The Scabs? I know they are cool..and have a big following..but c'mon. A dictionary and a world of colorful characters in this Universe and you come up with that? jeeze. My girl band will be called something life affirming and joyous. Like: funlovehappyland or nonmedicatedmoms or icansitllwearasize6 or cabernaetmalbecshiraz. People would not cringe when they heard our name announced. They would wait patiently for the song to be played and feel like they wanted to volunteer and help orphans, after they heard it. What was I talking about? Oh yeah, me.
I feel that since it is officially the Christmas Season, Holiday Season, Hanukkah season, Kwanzaa (2 a's) Season, Winter Solstice Season, I would pull my head out of my head and appreciate my surroundings. In fact, I am feeling better already. It's good that we had this talk. Next time, I will ask you about you and how you are feeling. Deal? Deal.
Love and Light. Is that too gooey for a band name? Either way..wishing you Love. Light. Joy. Peace. Radiance. Fun. and don't forget the Presence.
11:21 pm
Thursday, December 1
oooh goodness, I KNOW EXACTLY what you mean! we are women. it happens. glad you've begun the turn in the onwards and upwards direction! lovelove!
ReplyDeleteAh yes, I know that place well. A little too well. In fact, I hang out there a lot. Not that I like hanging out there, I just do. Like Cheryl said, "it just happens" and it happens to all of us. Thanks for the insight, Tina. You are always so intuitive in your writing and I love reading it. By the way, I LOVE LOVE Morning Glory!! "Ageless" is one of my favorite songs of all time.
ReplyDeleteHmmm. That is a familiar place. Like our grocery store - familiar, but I'd rather not be there. I'm thinking that transitions often bring us there. So, what's worked for me is to choose love. Yep, I stole the phrase. But to choose to love life and be grateful for all the blessings brings me out of myself.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your honest sharing. It keeps me honest, too.