Forgiveness and REO Speedwagon
I've been contemplating what to write about for the last 2 weeks. My life has been rich with material, but nothing seemed right to write about. I know, like anything, if you just start..then your momentum carries you. Like going for a run. Kind of the same thing with writing..just let the momentum carry you. I first have to apologize to all of the REO Speedwagon fans. I did not know how many of you were out there. I am sincerely sorry for the careless way I threw around their songs and legacy. My husband also pointed out, that although they did at one point have abundant hair, they weren't officially a "hair band", like I had stated. They were a legitimate, hard working band from Champaign, Ill..who just so happened to hit the big time..and slowly slip into cheese rock. Oops..sorry again. They are still mildly rockin', and for that, I honor them. Oh man..I had a whole Journey bit worked up too. I would have been un friended by 1/2 of my women friends list on Facebook. Good thing I think Jon Bonjovi is hot.
So today I have been wading in the idea of forgiveness. Been really thinking about it deeply. I know it's a big jump from REO Speedwagon to holy business like forgiveness, but life is big and messy and beautiful and hard sometimes. Fortunately for most of us, it's Divinely beautiful. We have junk, but we still carry on. Sometimes life throws us curve balls and we find ourselves swinging at the air. No contact, no solid single to left, not even a grounder. Just air. That's how forgiveness feel to me lately. Even though I say I forgive a transgression, I do not actually feel the relief from the words. I feel like it's just floating around out there, without results. I mean, I thought when you forgive someone, it's suppose to make you and the forgivee spiritually better. Like, a refreshing shower. I was so totally mad at you, next I forgive and now we are clean and shiny. Ta Da! Just like that we can move on. But then something will pop up and remind you why you were so angry and hurt, you feel like the magic just didn't take. The clock struck twelve and now you are a mean, bitter pumpkin again. Nothing against pumpkins..I just so happen to love pumpkin anything..so no hate mail from pumpkin growers, pickers or carvers. It is merely a symbol. That's why is just so easy to be a smart-ass about things. You can joke and smartassy yourself out of dealing with those pesky feelings. It is a whole lot easier to be condescending yet funny, instead of dealing with the process of digging deep and searching for the root of your wallowing. Wallowing is a funny word..and I do not think I have ever written it before. It kind of looks like a wild animal, when in type. The Wallowing is quickly approaching it's prey. It pounces on the helpless Albino Zebra and takes it down in one bite to the neck. Poor Albino Zebra. All it ever wanted was a drink of cool water from the ancient watering hole and to feel good enough to wander off and find it's stripes. Now I know it's officially to late for me to be writing.
So grappling (another word that sounds like a ...bird) with the idea of Forgive and Let Live, is such a sweet concept. Maybe it seeps in after you have said it a bunch, like when Dorothy keeps clicking her heels and says, "There's no place like home", it kicks in. Finally, she realized that she was home all along..and it was just a crazy, tornado-filled dream. Maybe forgiveness envelops you when you least expect it. After feeling like hell about something, and constantly warding off that dread with a "I forgive you" rebuttal, maybe suddenly one day you wake up, and you just feel better. Like a weight has been lifted. Like you could go and run a half marathon without training. And then you realize that you probably could run that 13.1 miles because all of this time you have been carrying around someone else's baggage. You are 100+ pounds lighter, metaphorically..so run Forrest Run!! I mean if you think about it, when someone hurts you, it's their way of casting off what is ailing them. It would be so cool if we had armor.. and it would just bounce right off. But instead, we take it in, we breathe it and live with it.
So here we are carrying days or sometimes, years, of other people's baggage. They charge a pretty penny for extra baggage these days. Think of how light you would be..but instead you drag, stuff and slowly slip into the middle seat day after day, flight after flight. I don't care who you are, the middle seat is never comfortable. There is always someone who takes the arm rest or snores or leans a little too close, for several hours. Wouldn't it be better to have your own little carry on, that you can peacefully tuck into the overhead compartment, without people giving you that look? And you with your tiny paperback, leap ever so lightly over the bagged down middle seater..to your ever so comfy and perfectly lit, window seat. You own your own baggage..and are mindful when it gets too heavy.
I feel lighter already talking about it. Maybe that's the key..writing about it. My mom used to write things and burn them in the kitchen sink. Probably had a lot to do with us kids. I will not set fire to my computer. I felt like it when I owned a Dell..but now I am an Apple snob. But I digress..
Full circle would bring me back to REO Speedwagon. Perhaps they printed out and burned my last blog post. Perhaps some of their diehard fans did too. Perhaps I will go outside tonight, put on "Can't Fight This Feeling" and throw an old grudge into the fire pit. Maybe I will do a little forgiveness dance and howl at the full moon. If anything, it might bring a laugh from my neighbors..might make make me feel better too.
Monday, October 14th and October 21st.
So today I have been wading in the idea of forgiveness. Been really thinking about it deeply. I know it's a big jump from REO Speedwagon to holy business like forgiveness, but life is big and messy and beautiful and hard sometimes. Fortunately for most of us, it's Divinely beautiful. We have junk, but we still carry on. Sometimes life throws us curve balls and we find ourselves swinging at the air. No contact, no solid single to left, not even a grounder. Just air. That's how forgiveness feel to me lately. Even though I say I forgive a transgression, I do not actually feel the relief from the words. I feel like it's just floating around out there, without results. I mean, I thought when you forgive someone, it's suppose to make you and the forgivee spiritually better. Like, a refreshing shower. I was so totally mad at you, next I forgive and now we are clean and shiny. Ta Da! Just like that we can move on. But then something will pop up and remind you why you were so angry and hurt, you feel like the magic just didn't take. The clock struck twelve and now you are a mean, bitter pumpkin again. Nothing against pumpkins..I just so happen to love pumpkin anything..so no hate mail from pumpkin growers, pickers or carvers. It is merely a symbol. That's why is just so easy to be a smart-ass about things. You can joke and smartassy yourself out of dealing with those pesky feelings. It is a whole lot easier to be condescending yet funny, instead of dealing with the process of digging deep and searching for the root of your wallowing. Wallowing is a funny word..and I do not think I have ever written it before. It kind of looks like a wild animal, when in type. The Wallowing is quickly approaching it's prey. It pounces on the helpless Albino Zebra and takes it down in one bite to the neck. Poor Albino Zebra. All it ever wanted was a drink of cool water from the ancient watering hole and to feel good enough to wander off and find it's stripes. Now I know it's officially to late for me to be writing.
So grappling (another word that sounds like a ...bird) with the idea of Forgive and Let Live, is such a sweet concept. Maybe it seeps in after you have said it a bunch, like when Dorothy keeps clicking her heels and says, "There's no place like home", it kicks in. Finally, she realized that she was home all along..and it was just a crazy, tornado-filled dream. Maybe forgiveness envelops you when you least expect it. After feeling like hell about something, and constantly warding off that dread with a "I forgive you" rebuttal, maybe suddenly one day you wake up, and you just feel better. Like a weight has been lifted. Like you could go and run a half marathon without training. And then you realize that you probably could run that 13.1 miles because all of this time you have been carrying around someone else's baggage. You are 100+ pounds lighter, metaphorically..so run Forrest Run!! I mean if you think about it, when someone hurts you, it's their way of casting off what is ailing them. It would be so cool if we had armor.. and it would just bounce right off. But instead, we take it in, we breathe it and live with it.
So here we are carrying days or sometimes, years, of other people's baggage. They charge a pretty penny for extra baggage these days. Think of how light you would be..but instead you drag, stuff and slowly slip into the middle seat day after day, flight after flight. I don't care who you are, the middle seat is never comfortable. There is always someone who takes the arm rest or snores or leans a little too close, for several hours. Wouldn't it be better to have your own little carry on, that you can peacefully tuck into the overhead compartment, without people giving you that look? And you with your tiny paperback, leap ever so lightly over the bagged down middle seater..to your ever so comfy and perfectly lit, window seat. You own your own baggage..and are mindful when it gets too heavy.
I feel lighter already talking about it. Maybe that's the key..writing about it. My mom used to write things and burn them in the kitchen sink. Probably had a lot to do with us kids. I will not set fire to my computer. I felt like it when I owned a Dell..but now I am an Apple snob. But I digress..
Full circle would bring me back to REO Speedwagon. Perhaps they printed out and burned my last blog post. Perhaps some of their diehard fans did too. Perhaps I will go outside tonight, put on "Can't Fight This Feeling" and throw an old grudge into the fire pit. Maybe I will do a little forgiveness dance and howl at the full moon. If anything, it might bring a laugh from my neighbors..might make make me feel better too.
Monday, October 14th and October 21st.
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