Paint
ow. My hands, neck and arms hurt.
Next time you see me..give me a good punch in the bicep and say.."Drop the brush".
Those HGTV shows that I love...well they lie. Lie Lie Lie. They have "people". They make these poor, probably ugly people do the hard s**%&^ while the pretty people get to host and order others around. Do they do the actual work they are so white toothed and excited about? I think not.
"You need colour in your life. You need a spruce up your living quarters. You can do it in a 1/2 a day!" Yeah, well You need to shut the f up. I am living proof, pretty guy, that one normal human can not "spruce up" my life in a 1/2 a day with 2 gallons of expensive paint. I am one big advertisement for ibuprofen and wine. I have been painting our bedroom since 1pm today. It is now 11:34 central time, and I am not finished yet. I thank God that I ran out of paint. Otherwise this blog would be filled with much more colourful language.
Who would I hire to sing back up vocals on a CD project? Me. Who would I hire to paint a bedroom in a day? Not ME. So why why why did I think that I could make our room look like Las Brisas Resort in Cabo in a day? hmm? It looks more like Lava Las Manos in Tijuana.
My sweet husband placated me with calls to painters this week when I had a freakout over our contractor white room. I didn't even hear a quote. I just thought..hell..I have painted all kinds of rooms. All kinds. Well..our room is kind of big, as it turns out. And weird shaped. It has an extra ceiling thing that calls for contortionist moves to actually add color to. I now hate our carpet even more than I did yesterday. Allergy ridden and now a nice shade of blue.
So when they made these homes 15 years or so ago, they spray painted a texture on the walls to, I don't know, add depth maybe? Well..it takes actual muscle to paint the walls. It takes coats and coats of expensive primer/paint to cover the "depth". And hours. And blisters. Blisters I tell ya.
I started out having fun. I was proud that we would save..what..maybe three hundred bucks today? I am not even sure, because I did not call the fine painters back..could have been 100 bucks...could have been 50 bucks..but no..I decided to do it myself. Put on loud music, cut off jeans, bandana around my head..and I was ready to rock. I looked the part. I had studied the wardrobe and the preparation on many HGTV episodes. I had catering and everything. Well..I had some leftovers and juice. For some reason all memory of past painting experiences had been erased. Some kind of Pollyanna syndrome, I bet. One only remembers the good times or the outcome or the neighbors oohing and ahhing at the beautiful room that illumines the neighborhood. Like Ralphy in "A Christmas Story" when he hands in his Theme.
Got a quick question: Is it still ok to drink the wine that the one bug in the entire house lands in? I have 1 good glass left. Dang. Maybe I will just fish it out and pretend that it did not happen. What a cruel joke, after hours of painting. My one glass. I knew I should have hired that painter.
Anyway. So here I am. I was ready to write about life and it's bounty. Mother's Day, Baseball, Forgiveness. Somehow weaving together all three topics all for the purpose of healing and truth. But no. I opted to paint today, rather than do my meditation and yoga. I could have changed the world. All I did was give the neighbors a show. An acrobat I am not. And boy, do they know it too. Good thing I had the windows closed..and decent lighting. Falling and cussing, well lit. Sounds like a new show on Fox. Falling and Cussing: A mother's plea for Help ...with home improvement.
Well..I better throw out this wine and take a look at my art. Gotta make up the pull out couch. Maybe I will dream of a vacation on the beach in Mexico with my husband. The rooms will have a blue tint, with gorgeous white linens and a breeze blowing the pure white cotton sheers through the window. Champagne next to the bed, the ocean music, the smell of papaya swirling over our heads. That is all I wanted. The final product. The feeling, I guess. Can new paint do this like they promise? I sure hope so.
12:29am Thursday, May 20.
Next time you see me..give me a good punch in the bicep and say.."Drop the brush".
Those HGTV shows that I love...well they lie. Lie Lie Lie. They have "people". They make these poor, probably ugly people do the hard s**%&^ while the pretty people get to host and order others around. Do they do the actual work they are so white toothed and excited about? I think not.
"You need colour in your life. You need a spruce up your living quarters. You can do it in a 1/2 a day!" Yeah, well You need to shut the f up. I am living proof, pretty guy, that one normal human can not "spruce up" my life in a 1/2 a day with 2 gallons of expensive paint. I am one big advertisement for ibuprofen and wine. I have been painting our bedroom since 1pm today. It is now 11:34 central time, and I am not finished yet. I thank God that I ran out of paint. Otherwise this blog would be filled with much more colourful language.
Who would I hire to sing back up vocals on a CD project? Me. Who would I hire to paint a bedroom in a day? Not ME. So why why why did I think that I could make our room look like Las Brisas Resort in Cabo in a day? hmm? It looks more like Lava Las Manos in Tijuana.
My sweet husband placated me with calls to painters this week when I had a freakout over our contractor white room. I didn't even hear a quote. I just thought..hell..I have painted all kinds of rooms. All kinds. Well..our room is kind of big, as it turns out. And weird shaped. It has an extra ceiling thing that calls for contortionist moves to actually add color to. I now hate our carpet even more than I did yesterday. Allergy ridden and now a nice shade of blue.
So when they made these homes 15 years or so ago, they spray painted a texture on the walls to, I don't know, add depth maybe? Well..it takes actual muscle to paint the walls. It takes coats and coats of expensive primer/paint to cover the "depth". And hours. And blisters. Blisters I tell ya.
I started out having fun. I was proud that we would save..what..maybe three hundred bucks today? I am not even sure, because I did not call the fine painters back..could have been 100 bucks...could have been 50 bucks..but no..I decided to do it myself. Put on loud music, cut off jeans, bandana around my head..and I was ready to rock. I looked the part. I had studied the wardrobe and the preparation on many HGTV episodes. I had catering and everything. Well..I had some leftovers and juice. For some reason all memory of past painting experiences had been erased. Some kind of Pollyanna syndrome, I bet. One only remembers the good times or the outcome or the neighbors oohing and ahhing at the beautiful room that illumines the neighborhood. Like Ralphy in "A Christmas Story" when he hands in his Theme.
Got a quick question: Is it still ok to drink the wine that the one bug in the entire house lands in? I have 1 good glass left. Dang. Maybe I will just fish it out and pretend that it did not happen. What a cruel joke, after hours of painting. My one glass. I knew I should have hired that painter.
Anyway. So here I am. I was ready to write about life and it's bounty. Mother's Day, Baseball, Forgiveness. Somehow weaving together all three topics all for the purpose of healing and truth. But no. I opted to paint today, rather than do my meditation and yoga. I could have changed the world. All I did was give the neighbors a show. An acrobat I am not. And boy, do they know it too. Good thing I had the windows closed..and decent lighting. Falling and cussing, well lit. Sounds like a new show on Fox. Falling and Cussing: A mother's plea for Help ...with home improvement.
Well..I better throw out this wine and take a look at my art. Gotta make up the pull out couch. Maybe I will dream of a vacation on the beach in Mexico with my husband. The rooms will have a blue tint, with gorgeous white linens and a breeze blowing the pure white cotton sheers through the window. Champagne next to the bed, the ocean music, the smell of papaya swirling over our heads. That is all I wanted. The final product. The feeling, I guess. Can new paint do this like they promise? I sure hope so.
12:29am Thursday, May 20.
Absolutely my favorite blog yet!!! :) As a self-proclaimed HGTV addict, I can TOTALLY relate! There's no way they can do everything they do in the little time that they do it! It took my mom, my sis, and I almost an entire day to paint hers & dad's bedroom recently! No way can someone do that, build furniture, sew curtains, bedspreads, & pillows, and shop for accessories in 24 hours!
ReplyDeleteBut it sure is entertaining to watch them pretend! :p
and I always wonder what their "projects in a weekend or a day" REALLY look like up close...tv doesn't show all the flaws and mistakes that you would see in person, ya know? Well, I had big plans to do some painting this summer when school is out...hmmm, maybe not. maybe I'll just sit on my butt and keep watching the HGTV people do it..,
ReplyDeleteOkay, I'm so glad I just read this! I need to take down wallpaper, texture, and paint my bedroom/bathroom this summer. The thought overwhelms me. I don't know how to texture which is why I painted over the gross wallpaper 6 years ago. But it is time to do it right. So what are the names of those contractors? I need recommendations. Miss you guys!!!
ReplyDeleteAshley