Just Start

Something told me to get up.  It has happened before, but this time it would not let me slack.  I've been dreaming of blog postings for about a month now, but found it hard to wake up and just start.  I blog when I walk.  I blog when I daydream.  I blog when I talk to people.  I blog when I take the dog for a jog.  Apparently I rhyme too.   I just have not carved out a consistent time to just get them on paper.  This is not an note from my mom explaining my absense..just an observation on how once you decide to do something, everything will rally against it.  I like to sleep.  I like to stay up late.  But here I am..5am writing to you.

I think about you when the colors swirl around in my head and make words.  I think about how you must be sleeping and lost in the crazy world of dreams.  Only to wake up to the alarm, coffee, shower, kids, tie, pressed shirt, toast with butter, car fumes and freeway.  Which is more real?  I just had a dream about my 1st boyfriend.  We were the age we are now, but looked like we did when we dated at 21.  It was not some big revelation or longing..we were just hanging out and trying to figure out where to go and get a bite to eat.  Somewhere along the road we stopped at a garage where Pauline Reese was working on a car.  Pauline is a beautiful country singer here in Texas.  She was fixing something that had to do with wire and cable...along with some random friends that I worked with at restaurants along the way.  I cannot tell you the meaning to save my life.   It made me get out of bed to let the dog out.  He did not want to go out, but thought it was the right thing to do, since I was standing at the back door, scratching my head, staring out into the stars wondering why Steve, Pauline and various restaurant workers stopped by to visit me on an early Tuesday morning.  

I tried to go back to sleep.  I even snuggled with my husband.  A rare thing for me.  I know.  Girls are supposed to be all, "Why don't we ever just snuggle?"…"Let's spoon".."Why are you so far away?".  Not mama.  I like my side of the big bed.  I kick off the tucked in bedsheets and wrap my feet like a kolache and lay on my left side and sleep like a Polish princess.  I do not hear well out of my right ear, so I tend to fall asleep pretty fast.  No sounds..no problem.    Off to dreamland.  On a occasion, I will sneak a hand out of my cloud of covers and skip on over to my husband's side of the bed and hold a pinkie.  Pretty tender.  But not this morning.   Someone was yelling in my head, "Just Start".

Now I wish I could say it sounded like James Earl Jones telling me to "Go the Distance", but it sounded more like a tired business man on the New York subway.  Kind of winey and run down.  Not as pathetic as a Woody Allen character, but close.  Just kind of gray and monotone.   Like a character that Jimmy Stuart would play in the 40's, without the wobble in his voice.

So why was Jimmy Stuart telling me to "Just Start"?  Why was Pauline Reese working on a Mustang in the middle of my dream?  Why did Steve stop on by to say hi and take me out for a bran muffin?   To get me up and writing.  That's why.  Oh Christmas would have been a lovely inspiration to write about.  Maybe even the big events surrounding the entire holiday season.  Our family squeezes in many, many wonderful events in our little life, in a short amount of time in December and January..but why write about such glory, kindness and fun?   Apparently it takes something weird to rattle the writer in me.

2014.  That's weird in and of itself.  I still think we are in the 1990's.  I still dress like it too.  Maybe Pauline was trying to tell me to update my wardrobe.  "Just Start" getting rid of those tired jeans.   "Just Start" to open the drawer to nowhere and start chucking old bras that haven't fit in a decade.  The beautiful Victoria Secret ones that you keep and try on every so often and say, when I get rid of this back fat, I will wear this.  How do you work out to get rid of back fat?  I bet that Victoria Secret has a ban against anyone saying those words in their boutique.  Do not say the "F" word in our store.  Especially when paired with "Back".   We are a fat-free zone.  Everyone looks like an Angel in our store.  Everyone.

Now I'm just flat loopy.  How do you people do this?  How do you wake up all cheery- like and go about your day without staring off into La La land and laughing uncontrollably at the voices in your head?   My voices tell me that I need some more coffee to help me wrap up this labyrinth of a blog.  To bring it all home.  To somehow try to tie in something funny, meaningful and worthy of your 5 minutes you spared to read this.   Perhaps it's this:   Whatever has been on your heart.  Whatever has been on your mind.  Whatever has been sitting on your shoulder for the past few months, do it.   Do something about it.  Get up and Start.  Just Start.  I know that the New Year brings about a fresh beginning, but perhaps that newness has already worn off.  Get up and Start again, then.  Fitness..eating healthy..whatever.  That should be a given.  I'm talking about your book.  I'm talking about you running a half marathon in November with me, in San Antonio.  I'm talking about volunteering your gifts and treasures.  It's bugging you for a reason.  Don't run off with an old boyfriend.  Don't quit your job today.  Don't cash in your retirement and join Cirque de Soleil.  Maybe just call your mom.  Or call Pauline Reese.  No, don't call Pauline.  She will kick my ass.  Call someone you miss and cherish.   Unless it actually is Pauline that you miss and cherish.  Which it very well could be, because she is quite nice and missable.  But do something today that is out of your comfort zone.  Something that will propel you into the next chapter.

Happy New Day to you!   Thanks for listening.  Just Start.  Amen.

January 14, 2014
FortheloveofGod5am
Chilly Morning in Cedar Park.